There are probably a million happy bachelors out there...men who love living the single life, raging it up with their friends, answering to no one, free to hook up with any & all hotties that strike their fancy, no string attached. However, some 60 percent of singles out there admit they would love to find someone to have a committed relationship with. We're not talking MARRIAGE here, but simply a long-term relationship with someone they can enjoy companionship and common interests with. Women aren't the only ones out there looking for a special someone. A lot of men, especially those in their 30s and 40s, are looking too.
So here's my question: is being a bachelor a choice or a condition? Are there more men out there going "I just really, really want to be single" or is it more a result of them just not being about to find and maintain a relationship? I have found that the older I get, as more and more of my friends are becoming serious in their relationships or getting married, the single friends are fewer and further between. As our peers are settling down, the single life seems to lose its appeal a tiny bit. There are no more drunken weekend guys nights picking up chicks and living it up. For the women, there are fewer early morning walks of shame. Most people past a certain age, seem to be looking for something more substantial.
So what is it that keeps people from finding that special someone or at least that someone special enough to develop a real relationship?
1. Location. Where are you meeting people? Are you picking them up after a few drinks in at a dimly lit bar? Did you meet them at a party? That's not to say those meetings will never end well, but there are a few places that might work better. For example, don't be afraid to ask your friends to fix you up with someone they know. Who knows you better than your friends? Chances are, in your circle of friends there are some singles that you might enjoy meeting. Plus, it's a good start to dinner conversation when you can discuss a mutual friend to break the ice. Also, it's like a blind date, but with less chance that the person you go out with is a serial killer. Another way to meet people is online. Yes, we've all heard the horror stories. But online dating is not what it used to be. Don't believe me? Check out our episode on "The Wonderful World of Online Dating". There are a lot of people out there doing it and by getting to know someone online, you will feel more comfortable meeting face to face.
2. Hooking Up. We've all done the far-too-early-drunken-hook up with the guy or girl from the bar/party that you flirted with all night and felt cosmically attracted to. But we also all know where that ends---with a really awkward morning after goodbye and a very low chance of seeing each other again. Instant attraction is awesome, but the truth is sex is only going to get better the more you like someone and the more comfortable you are with them. That's not to say casual sex can't be hot, but when there's actual feeling and the excitement of some sort of a future relationship, it's way hotter. If you're looking for something real, hold off on the hookup until you get to know each other a little better.
3. Be honest & be yourself. It's soooooooo tempting to only show someone you really like the best aspects of yourself or the version of yourself that you want to be. However, if there's any possibility of things moving forward, you have to let them see the real you, good or bad. Maybe not all at once so that you scare them off, but don't lie and don't be afraid to show the less flattering parts of yourself. You can order salad on your first date even when you want a cheeseburger, you can leave the room to burp (or worse), you can wear an amazing push-up bra (or if you're a guy stuff your pants), and you can hold back your opinions that you think they won't like. But the real truth is, eventually all that stuff comes out. And if you see a future with somebody, better you start off by being yourself. Let them like you for you.
4. Attraction isn't everything. Finally, remember attraction isn't everything. Yes fellas, that girl might be smokin hot. She could be sexy, with a perfect body, and know tricks you've only seen in movies. But can she talk to you? Does she have opinions? Does she make you laugh? Do you like doing other stuff with her? Same for you ladies. Eventually, the attraction you feel for someone is going to have to move past the physical and into something deeper, especially if you want to be in a relationship.
Maybe you love being a bachelor. Or maybe you look at everyone around you and secretly wish you could have what they have---someone who loves them that they love back, who stands by them day in and day out, and who they can count on. So ask yourself this...are you a bachelor by choice or by condition?
So here's my question: is being a bachelor a choice or a condition? Are there more men out there going "I just really, really want to be single" or is it more a result of them just not being about to find and maintain a relationship? I have found that the older I get, as more and more of my friends are becoming serious in their relationships or getting married, the single friends are fewer and further between. As our peers are settling down, the single life seems to lose its appeal a tiny bit. There are no more drunken weekend guys nights picking up chicks and living it up. For the women, there are fewer early morning walks of shame. Most people past a certain age, seem to be looking for something more substantial.
So what is it that keeps people from finding that special someone or at least that someone special enough to develop a real relationship?
1. Location. Where are you meeting people? Are you picking them up after a few drinks in at a dimly lit bar? Did you meet them at a party? That's not to say those meetings will never end well, but there are a few places that might work better. For example, don't be afraid to ask your friends to fix you up with someone they know. Who knows you better than your friends? Chances are, in your circle of friends there are some singles that you might enjoy meeting. Plus, it's a good start to dinner conversation when you can discuss a mutual friend to break the ice. Also, it's like a blind date, but with less chance that the person you go out with is a serial killer. Another way to meet people is online. Yes, we've all heard the horror stories. But online dating is not what it used to be. Don't believe me? Check out our episode on "The Wonderful World of Online Dating". There are a lot of people out there doing it and by getting to know someone online, you will feel more comfortable meeting face to face.
2. Hooking Up. We've all done the far-too-early-drunken-hook up with the guy or girl from the bar/party that you flirted with all night and felt cosmically attracted to. But we also all know where that ends---with a really awkward morning after goodbye and a very low chance of seeing each other again. Instant attraction is awesome, but the truth is sex is only going to get better the more you like someone and the more comfortable you are with them. That's not to say casual sex can't be hot, but when there's actual feeling and the excitement of some sort of a future relationship, it's way hotter. If you're looking for something real, hold off on the hookup until you get to know each other a little better.
3. Be honest & be yourself. It's soooooooo tempting to only show someone you really like the best aspects of yourself or the version of yourself that you want to be. However, if there's any possibility of things moving forward, you have to let them see the real you, good or bad. Maybe not all at once so that you scare them off, but don't lie and don't be afraid to show the less flattering parts of yourself. You can order salad on your first date even when you want a cheeseburger, you can leave the room to burp (or worse), you can wear an amazing push-up bra (or if you're a guy stuff your pants), and you can hold back your opinions that you think they won't like. But the real truth is, eventually all that stuff comes out. And if you see a future with somebody, better you start off by being yourself. Let them like you for you.
4. Attraction isn't everything. Finally, remember attraction isn't everything. Yes fellas, that girl might be smokin hot. She could be sexy, with a perfect body, and know tricks you've only seen in movies. But can she talk to you? Does she have opinions? Does she make you laugh? Do you like doing other stuff with her? Same for you ladies. Eventually, the attraction you feel for someone is going to have to move past the physical and into something deeper, especially if you want to be in a relationship.
Maybe you love being a bachelor. Or maybe you look at everyone around you and secretly wish you could have what they have---someone who loves them that they love back, who stands by them day in and day out, and who they can count on. So ask yourself this...are you a bachelor by choice or by condition?
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